ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
