you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
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You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
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btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize