HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
