I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
