shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
