I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
