Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
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No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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