So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
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