I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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