I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
