sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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