So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
