So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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