We're like a lot better than the average bears
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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