i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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