dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
