I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
