you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
