I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
