I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
