the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
