Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
