Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
