I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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