Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
