A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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