pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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