We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
