You're completely useless in the revolution.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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