Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
