Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
