I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
