the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
