The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
