Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
