I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize
