I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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