And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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