So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
