Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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