yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
