Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
