can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
