You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
