Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
