and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Randomize
