I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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