Non-Jews are for practice
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
