Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
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