would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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