ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
