No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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