forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Well I just put wine in my tea
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
