Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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