Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
