tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
