You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
