2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
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