After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
