Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
