he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
