I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You ate ashes out of my bong
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
