you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
