youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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