Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
