Acid is not a monday night drug
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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