I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
