I want you more than these girls want KFC
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
