When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
