omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
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