yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Randomize
