You can't motorboat a personality
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
