shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
